holiday hit list

The Bun and I arrived back home safe and sound yesterday. It was a good thing we decided to make the long drive back when we did because snow has been falling all day today.  Here were the highs and lows (I’ll let you decide which are which) of our Christmas:

• gorging
• visiting with 34 relatives in 6 days
• explaining 34 times exactly what it is that a corporate attorney does
• my mother in law donning formal shorts on Christmas day
• more gorging
• learning that the Bun’s dad snores just like George
• overhearing my dad brag about the latin on my law school diploma to a family friend
• getting Rockband 2 for Christmas from the Bun
• watching music videos from the 1980s with my mom and sister
• realizing that most people in those music videos are now quite aged
• even more gorging
• worrying about how I’ll bill 2000 hours next year
• being asked when the Bun and I are having kids
• coming home to find that George didn’t urinate all over the house

 

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law school lunch

Lately, I’ve been getting together with my law school friends quite frequently, which has been fantastic. Mrs. Marbury coordinated a big night out last Saturday for seven of us and our spouses to celebrate passing the bar. The next day, Big Mo hosted book group, and I saw Mrs. F and Mrs. G. earlier this week at our law school’s alumni reception. And I’m sitting here in my party clothes writing this before dashing out for what promises to be a smashing holiday party at Mr. and Mrs. G’s place.

And yet.

While it’s been wonderful to get together for assorted and sundry celebrations, I’m finding myself missing the daily commiseration with my law school friends around the lunch table in the law school cafeteria. Lunch anchored the day. It was our time to gossip, vent, and just simply catch up– an outlet to air our day to day trials and tribulations. Even though there have been plenty of opportunities of late to do the same, nothing can really replace a daily connection.

And holiday parties, receptions, and celebratory dinners aren’t really ideal for talking about things like feeling anxious about how work is going or complain about how long the commute has been of late. This week I found myself confessing to one of my fellow first years that I was feeling stressed out about the holidays and a new assignment at the firm. The words were barely out of my mouth when I realized I should have left them unsaid. Appropriate to share around the lunch table during law school? Certainly. Something worth sharing with a coworker I barely know? Definitely not.

 

missjillesq, for reals

It’s official. I’m a lawyer.

Apparently so too is the guy who sat next to me at the bar exam. As he spent a good chunk of the exam taking power naps, I was somewhat surprised to see him at the swearing-in today.

My first official lawyerly act? Removing that pesky “not a lawyer” signature from my email.

Yeah, that’s how I roll.

 

turkey on our table

Before I started at the firm (and before the economy was in the toilet), the Bun and I decided that it would be a good idea for us to host Thanksgiving at our place. That way, if a work emergency arose during the holiday, we wouldn’t have to cancel any travel plans. It would be unfortunate for me to have to skip out on the festivities, but at least the Bun would still get to enjoy the holiday with our families. Plus, everyone coming to us meant that we could avoid battling the highways the day before Thanksgiving.

I’m starting to regret the decision.

The amount of time we have spent preparing, shopping, and planning already exceeds what we would have spent traveling, and the turkey isn’t even in the oven yet. And while a work emergency could nevertheless theoretically arise, let’s just say that great emphasis should be placed on the word “theoretically.”

 

missjillesq walked into a bar…

…and walked out a lawyer

I

PASSED

the

bar!!!!!

 

cloudy with a chance of babies

I attended the Bun’s stepbrother’s wife’s (there has to be a simpler way to explain that relationship!) baby shower yesterday. The mom-to-be looked ecstatic, and she was surrounded by friends, family, and a sea of presents.

About halfway in, I noticed that my heart was racing. There I was, just sitting in my chair watching the unwrapping of the gifts, and I was *anxious.* Can’t-breathe-well-checking-my-watch anxious. At first, I couldn’t figure out where the feeling was coming from. The explanation was so glaringly obvious, however, that it is almost embarrassing it took me any time to figure it out: babies.

I am starting my job in three(!) days, and my overwhelmed meter is at red alert. I am in a mental place (Jitters, elevation: 31 floors, population: 1) where I feel like the only shot I have at cutting it in biglaw is to make work my singular focus. The idea of adding in a baby to the mix just seems unfathomable right now. As I watched the mom-to-be unwrap her bounty of booty, I couldn’t help but think that, “wow, she’s going to have a lot to wash, clean, and carry, and that doesn’t even factor in the actual baby.”

And yet.

I do want a baby. Just not right now. And I’m more than okay with holding off for a few years. I’m not ready professionally, and quite frankly, I’m not ready emotionally to put someone else’s needs ahead of my own for the rest of my life.

Nevertheless, the big 3-0 is looming as large as those Rockies I saw at Mrs. K’s wedding last weekend. And while there will always be another hour to bill, there will come a time when there will be no more years left to wait.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that there will be a time when I will have to definitively decide to put my personal life ahead of my professional life, and that is a notion that is entirely antithetical to biglaw. And to me. I’ve been trained to make personal sacrifices for my career. The Bun can attest to the countless times I put law school before him, and we both are aware that it’s not about to get any easier come Wednesday.

I know the Bun and I eventually will be emotionally ready for a baby. It’s harder to see right now, however, there coming a time when I will be ready to put my personal life ahead of my career.

 

this land is your land

The Bun and I returned exhausted (and still a bit wonky from Crested Butte’s crazy high altitude) on Monday. Mr. and Mrs. K’s wedding was fantastic, natch. The moving and personal outdoor ceremony was set off against a jaw dropping view of the Rockies, and friends and family danced, ate, and drank the night away. Best of all, the weekend celebrated the union of a relationship 11 years in the making — Mr. and Mrs. K were high school sweethearts!

Although the wedding festivities were the focus of the trip, we were in total awe of the setting. I had never visited mountains like the Rockies before, and the landscape– especially as it changed suddenly from plains near Colorado Springs (where we flew in) to mountains– was stunning.

More so than the scenery, however, I was entranced by the sheer vast expanse of it all. Miles upon miles of uninhabited (and uninhabitable) landscape. Even though I lived on the west coast for 8 years, I can’t say I had ever felt such a sense of being in the West– and the sense and symbolism of place the West embodies– before this trip.

Nor had I ever been anywhere that affected me physically to such an extent. The altitude really *does* get you. Even though I did not frequently find myself out of breath, I never quite felt like I could get enough oxygen, and by the second day my chest was aching a bit from all the deep breaths I was taking.

 

here i go again…

The Bun and I are Colorado bound for Ms. B’s wedding. See you on Monday, 8 September!

 

congratulations, dr. and mrs. f!

The Bun and I had the pleasure of attending Dr. and Mrs. F’s wedding on Saturday. It was just perfect. Mrs. F. looked fabulous, and Dr. F. had the biggest smile I’ve ever seen. The skies were blue, the ceremony was moving, and loving family and friends were in abundance. May their marriage be as wonderful as their wedding!